this just in: holly is trying to kill me (lov u)

Hank McCoy + dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’ + regrets + ‘what if’s

• Even though they’ve talked it out and Hank has forgiven Charles, he’ll never really entirely forgive him for the years where it was just the two of them, confined to the mansion, just the two of them and all of their demons. He knows it’s not really Charles’s fault, and he understands the situation, but sometimes it’s hard not to resent him for the confinement and the anger and the hurt he dealt Hank during those years. 
  
• I think he sometimes regrets the time he spent trying to make Raven love him and stay with him when retrospectively, she never really wanted him the way he wanted her. It was always different between the two of them, and though they connected on some levels, it wasn’t enough and he regrets the time he spent pining after her when she was never going to come back to him the way he wanted her to. 
  
• He tries not to, because god knows all it brings is heartache, but sometimes he can’t help but think about how his life might have been if he hadn’t been a mutant. How the other kids at his school might have accepted him, how he’d have gone to MIT or CalTech or something to study engineering or biology or physics or whatever he wanted to. How he’d end up working in a lab somewhere or maybe NASA because he’d never have had to worry about those places not accepting a mutant student or employee. 
  

Alex Summers + dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’ + regrets + ‘what if’s 

• Sometimes he feels lost without the schedule and direction of prison or army life. He doesn’t miss prison and he doesn’t miss the war but sometimes he gets kind of caught up in his head and in his memories and it’s hard to drag himself out and it’s hard to force himself to just go through the motions of existing when he doesn’t have any kind of schedule or any rules or place to be and the lack of direction makes it harder to pull himself out of his spiral of guilt and self hate and he’s just lost in the darkest corner of his mind with nothing to use as a crutch to haul himself back to clarity again
  
• He regrets obeying his summons to war. He hated everything about the war and he hated how many people he saw die, friends and enemies. He knew the cost of disregarding the draft call and looking back on it, knowing now what the cost of the war was, what it would do to him, he regrets going. The price of ignoring the draft surely couldn’t have been as steep as the price of obeying it was. 
  
• Sometimes when he’s had a bad night, when things have been rougher than usual for him, he thinks that maybe he should have just killed himself. Or let himself get shot in Vietnam. Or anything. He doesn’t feel like a good guy, and sometimes the guilt weighs heavier on his shoulders than he thinks he can bear and he remembers the times he thought about just ending it and he wonders whether he should have. 
  

send me a number and a character for my headcanons on the topic